Find Your Way Back
by littlegypsy25
Summary: At last Lily Evans is in her final year at Hogwarts. She wants to go back to the place she considers 'home', prepare herself for auror training, write some more poetry- and avoid James Potter at all costs, but that really isn't an option
1. Home:Confusion::Sky:Blue

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for Madam Margot and Bruno, they're mine, I invented them- and Alice Longbottom's Maiden name. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 1: Home:Confusion::Sky:Blue  
  
The sun was rising brilliantly in the east, the warm rays gleaming across the English countryside. The morning's shimmer of deepest reds and orange was arousing the sleepy inhabitants in their cozy beds, alarm clocks buzzing; rooster's sounding the morning's arrival.  
  
Everyone rose with the sunset on that day of September 1st, but a young woman who'd been up since almost four, bustling from room to room-gathering last minute things for her first day back at school. She drew back the curtains hanging over her bay window, allowing the sparkle of sun beams into her own bedroom, the light catching the deep red in her auburn hair, her green eyes filled with a startling glimmer of anxiety and joyful anticipation.  
  
"A perfect first day," she muttered absentmindedly as she folded her nightclothes into her large mahogany trunk that sat, propped open at the end of bed. Her preparation to go back to school would have seen perfectly normal, at least to the naked eye. She was dressed like a typical seventeen year old: a comfy pair of blue jeans, a warm sweater with quarter- length-sleeves and black trainers that peaked from beneath the flair of her pants. Humming idly she then reached for a long and thin piece of wood from her bedside table, which made the whole scene odd. Shoving it into her side pocket, she then folded a long black robe and placed in next to her pajamas, and grinned thoughtfully. A pile of books was then placed in the last open gap that showed just how un-normal the scene really was. The very top volume said 'The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 7)'. With her index finger she counted down the sides.  
  
"One, two, three...seven.? There should be eight...damn it," turning on her heel she marched down the side stairs where she found her sister Petunia drowsily entering the kitchen, her mother fully dressed behind her. "Good morning poppit!" she crooned warmly.  
  
"Hi, Mum."  
  
Her sister sat at the table, her hair was a platinum blonde, that didn't fit with her bony face and long neck. She resembled a portrait of poor Alice from 'Alice in Wonderland' by Lewis Carroll her neck being so giraffe- like. She glowered at her beautiful auburn haired sister in a distinct, un- friendly way.  
  
"Morning Petty," she said sweetly to Petunia whom she found staring a second before.  
  
Her sister made no response, only continued to glare with dislike.  
  
"Mum, have you seen any of my spell books?"  
  
"If it's that one about Transfiguration, N.E.W.T. level- then your father has it," her mother moved about the kitchen gathering up pots and pans, her hair which had the same distinct red-brown color of her daughter's was wound up in a tight bun, and the words that she spoke where just as distant, a trace of an Irish brogue over her English accent.  
  
"Dad?" she asked incredulously, "Why does Dad have it?"  
  
"Because I wanted to read it," her father appeared at the entrance to the kitchen a moment later, and he walked over past Petunia and gave her a kiss on the head and then handed his other child the thick book with a smile. "Good morning Lily, excited?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"We are *so* proud of you, Lilias," Mrs. Evans had turned from her place at the stovetop to beam at her. "Head Girl! Just imagine! You're going to go down in history as one of the best, and then when you graduate! I mean of course you'll be valedictorian!" Shannon Evans broke off smiling at her daughter apparently beyond thrilled.  
  
"Don't set your hopes on that Mum," answered Lily dully, pulling out a chair and settling herself across from her sister, who was now chewing her tongue, frowning and glaring at Lily with so much contempt it should have been illegal. Lily, however didn't notice Petunia was staring, she was too busy examining her hands, which all had neat little nails all perfectly cut and trimmed to the same size. She sighed, "Stupid Potter may get it first," she said the name so vehemently that it contorted her face into a very ugly expression for just a moment.  
  
"Oh now Lily be reasonable!" exclaimed Darien Evans, placing himself next to her on one of the wooden chairs. "You act as if this boy is a reincarnation of Satan or something," he smiled brightly, "you're just overreacting that's all."  
  
"No, I'm not," Lily replied forcefully still staring at her long fingers, her hands were a delicate white, but the palms were callused and rough from a summer outdoors. "He's rude, conceited, arrogant and obnoxious," she suppressed a shudder. "He and Black are always out of order! It drives me absolutely mad."  
  
"Well can't you dock points from them?" asked Shannon who was now watching concernedly.  
  
"Yes but it would be absolutely suicidal! I don't want to take points from my own house! God, why couldn't they have put me in Ravenclaw?"  
  
Shannon shook her head, "It sounds to me as if this boy just happens to really fancy you and he makes you miserable because, and this is *so* typical, he has no other way of showing his affection for you."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. Oh she *knew* that James Potter adored her, he'd only been asking her out since their first year at school! But she wasn't about to give that egotistical pig the time of day.  
  
"I have to go finishing packing," she said resolutely and grabbing her book left the kitchen in a rotten mood."  
  
-------------  
  
By eight she had packed up the last of her things, her wand, her cauldron, and her robes...she looked through the last of her possessions and sighed.  
  
You see, Lily Evans was not just heading off to her last year of school, like her sister Petunia was. Lily was in fact, a witch- and a very good one for that matter. This year, were her last and final terms at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Lily was as always, beyond elation. School meant seeing all of her friends again, going back to her studies, which she all adored, and even more so- meant her future, her happiness. There was so much she wanted to gain from the past six years of school, the main thing meant becoming an auror. She'd been working ceaselessly since her first year at Hogwarts, even since she'd come across the job description in the Library.  
  
"LILY!" Petty had entered the room a look of true dislike on her bony horsy face. "Did you take my lipstick?" she demanded looking furious.  
  
Lily glanced up from where she had been situated on the floor, closing up her guitar case. "Petunia you're my paternal twin sister and you've known me for seventeen years, when have I *ever* worn lipstick?"  
  
Petunia glared through slits of eyes, watery gray, she placed her hands on her hips and straightened herself, "So...she began, packing up for that *freak* school?" she asked violently, spitting out the word 'freak' like it was dangerous and disgusting.  
  
"If you mean Hogwarts, then yes," answered Lily, "I am, how are things at Madam Margot's Academy?"  
  
"Charming, sophisticated, and fashionably famous as always," she smiled bitterly.  
  
Lily didn't say anything; she was putting her Head Girl badge into her purse so that she would remember to put it on later. She had wanted to retort back how Petunia wouldn't even be going to Madam Margot's had it not been for her. When she'd received her Hogwarts she turned down her own acceptance letter to the Academy, which had been early approval, Petunia however had only made the waiting list. They'd both dreamed of going for as long as she could remember, it was equal to Eton in standards and academics. But then the letter to Hogwarts had come a week later, and the headmistress Minerva McGonagall had appeared at the house insisting she attend. Lily returned a letter to Madam Margot, begging them to take on Petunia instead of her since she could no longer go. Thankfully Hogwarts was as wonderful as she expected and there wasn't a single moment where Lily had regretted her decision.  
  
She glanced up at Petunia and smiled brightly, Lily had never told her sister about how Madam Margot had excepted Petunia courtesy of her letter, she felt that her average sister disserved the credit from time to time, but this however, she *had* regretted. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," she answered.  
  
Petunia's smile thinned a bit, "Don't *you* wish that you could be there...with me?"  
  
"No, Petty I don't," I'm very happy at Hogwarts, aren't you happy?" Lily turned back to her guitar case, which she was now straitening and sitting next to her trunk.  
  
"Yes," Petunia answered firmly, but not quite as firmly as she would have liked. "Why are you taking that?" she asked, pointing at the aged leather case, a hint of cordiality in her voice.  
  
"Because I still practice at school," Lily replied, surprised that Petunia cared so much to even ask.  
  
"Are you still writing songs then?" Petunia asked, strangely concerned.  
  
Lily smiled to herself, "Yes, I am, thanks. Why do you ask?"  
  
Petunia suddenly seemed to realize how nice she was being and her callous demeanor returned, "No reason," and without another word she swept from the room.  
  
Lily shook her head, how could she have shared a womb with someone who was completely different from her? Not to mention eccentrically nasty.  
  
As her seventeenth birthday had been last February, she'd been of age to practice magic legally over the summer. Her parents had been thrilled when she conjured simple things for them, or had apparated back and fourth from room to room. Petunia of course, had been disgusted, while Mr. and Mrs. Evan's applauded enthusiastically at every spell Lily performed.  
  
Without thinking she lifted the trunk into the air, along with her guitar and floated it down the stairs and into the hallway, which then opened by itself and the luggage then glided outside and into the boot of Mr. Evans's car, already open and exposing Petunia's trunk. Despite Lily's ability's in apparation, it wasn't enough to convince Darien Evans that he should allow his daughter to just *magically* end up at King's Cross, not to mention Petunia also needed to be dropped off at Madam Margot.  
  
Her father appeared at the doorway just as Lily closed the trunk and locked it securely. "Give me five minutes Gremlin!" he called. 'Gremlin' was his pet nickname for his daughter because of her startlingly green eyes. Lily always thought it was stupid, but went along with it anyway because Darien found it so adorable.  
  
She took advantage of the time to wind her way to the back of the house and stand under the shade of a large over grown beech tree. It reminded her a bit of one that was at Hogwarts, right next to the Lake, one of Lily's favorite places to relax on the last few hot days of the school year. She grabbed a hold of one of the old, knotted branches and pulled herself up to a long and sturdy limb, and balanced herself as she stood, and then continued to scramble up the burly and twisted branches that lead to the brilliant blue sky. When at last the many appendages became mere twigs, too feeble to hold her tiny frame, she rested against the main trunk and looked out over the distance before her. From twenty feet in the air the houses became smaller, shrunken, the pastures and fields beyond her fit together in a rambling, home spun quilt work, filled with the warmest hues of golds, greens, and barn reds. A wind blew up through the trees green leaves, blowing through her mass of red and brown tresses. She could feel autumn coming nearer, began to push away the summer's hot surroundings. She breathed in the smell of roses from her mother's garden, and from just feet away the last of the apples on a tall and gangling apple tree.  
  
"The next time I stand up here I'm going to be eighteen- and ready to do something completely different with my life. I'll be out of school...I'll be- grown up." Something settled in her throat, a large painful lump that made her eyes water. She'd spent half the summer in the high branches writing in her Journal, scribbling lyrics and poetry. Her artistic flare had never been trampled behind Hogwarts's stonewalls. It had, if anything intensified it. She'd been thrust into a completely different world, with so much to learn and understand and all of it was written somewhere, and someday, someone was going to care about it, understand what she was going through. She was meant for something big- and she knew it.  
  
"I believe, that my life's gonna see, the love I give- return to me," she whispered, and after clinging to the trunk for a moment she carefully turned to descend back down the aged limbs to the soft green grass.  
  
-------  
  
The trip to London, was if anything, uneventful. Petunia didn't talk much, and neither did Lily. She was excited to get to school and away from her sister, who seemed thoroughly perturbed again with her. Lily would have given anything to return to good terms with her haughty sister. As children they had been inseparable, but when Lily began to excel in school, and the arts, Petunia found herself falling behind her sister, who was a mere two minutes older.  
  
At long last the car settled in front of a large and elaborate building, aged and impressive, where a copper sign, green from the humid London air said in flourished letters, "Madam Margot's Select Seminary for Women, Established: 1895". Lily sighed and tried to make herself small as the heavy door opened and Madam Margot herself came down the stone steps to welcome the Evans. Madam Margot had a specific time set for each student to arrive as to not clog her hallways with pupils, usually this little gathering didn't have to take place, but for the first time since both girls had started school they had to return on the same day.  
  
"Lily!" snapped Shannon, "Get out of the car, be polite!"  
  
Lily dragged herself from the back seat, and walked over to the sidewalk where Darien, Shannon and Petunia were congregating. Lily had met Madam Margot on one previous occasion; she was eleven, and wanted to go to her school more than anything else.  
  
"How lovely to see you all again!" cried the Madam in a warm, rich voice, she was born in England but each of her Mother's, all the way back to the very first Madam, had been French born, and so she kept the title. She smiled at Petty, but had a slight gleam of dislike in her eye. She looked over and saw Lily attempting to hide behind Shannon, but Margot was a large woman and her eyes so nimble at finding fingerprints on window pains, spotted Lily instantly.  
  
"And who is this?" she asked eying Lily with interest, there was a pause and the she exclaimed, "My stars! Is this little Lily? How are you dear!" she had suddenly grabbed her in a full hug, grinning and chuckling good- naturedly. Her exclamation was more of a statement then a question, but Lily answered shakily anyway,  
  
"Well, thank you ma'am."  
  
"How charming having you both here, eh?" she laughed again, loudly and jovially, and then pulled Petunia into an embrace and said, "I guess you owe your sister a lot, she must have found something miles better than here to decline my offer and let you go in her place!"  
  
Petunia had been smiling as if it was programmed on her face, but it faltered and turned into a look of shock and surprise.  
  
"It's alright though, isn't it Lily? We teach sharing and cooperation here, and you allowed your sister to gain something she might not of! Such a good girl!" Madam grinned again, and then said, "Well Petty, we'd best get your things inside, before my next student arrives, Bruno!" she called, and a large boy with acne and messy hair appeared so quickly it was as if he had apparated to her side, "Get Mademoiselle Evans's bags please?"  
  
Bruno took the trunk out of the boot and up the stairs, disappearing into the dark hallway beyond.  
  
"Well I'll allow you to say your good-byes," Madam Margot beamed at them, and shaking Lily's hand forcefully she said, "It was *lovely* seeing you again m'dear, please come back sometime, hmmm?"  
  
Lily nodded weakly as she ascended the stars after Bruno.  
  
Lily didn't want to look at Petunia; she didn't want to see the look on her face.  
  
"Well...good-bye sweetheart," said Darien embracing his daughter, and Shannon who was brushing back tears followed suite.  
  
"I love you poppit, write often, and I'll call you as soon as we get home!" Mrs. Evans got weepy at every event.  
  
After both her parents had let go, Lily looked at her sister but Petunia had turned away and was going up the stairs.  
  
"Petunia aren't you going to say good-bye to Lily, you won't see each other till Christmas..."  
  
"'Bye then," Petunia answered shortly without looking back, and a moment later she had disappeared into the shadowy entrance hall.  
  
-------  
  
"I should have told her ages ago," Lily said softly as they drove to King's Cross.  
  
"Grem, if you'd told her she wouldn't have believed you, what you did, 6 years ago, was the most decent and loving thing anybody could do for a sibling, she'll get over it by the holidays," Darien was frowning slightly as they turned into the parking lot of the station.  
  
"I guess she would have hated me anyway," Lily muttered in a hardly audible whisper.  
  
"She doesn't hate you!" snapped Shannon. "She's just...resentful- and that is not your fault," she finished before Lily could protest. "You've been given a gift darling, and no one can help that."  
  
Lily nodded and looked out the window...it wasn't important, in a matter of hours she'd back to her real home, the home she really loved.  
  
---------  
  
After a teary good-bye to Mr. and Mrs. Evans, then sliding through the barrier into King's Cross, Lily pulled her trolley down the platform nine and three-quarters, and was nearly knocked sideways by the embrace of tiny girl with brown hair and large brown eyes.  
  
"Ani!" she gasped and hugged her back grinning widely. Andromeda Black hadn't changed much over the summer break. She was still petite and pretty, with her big dark eyes.  
  
"How was your summer?" Lily asked. Andromeda's smile flickered.  
  
"Enchantingly nasty, Bella and Cissa have been incessant all summer," her pretty face twisted into a sneer, "I hate them."  
  
Lily didn't say anything; Bellatrix and Narcissa Black made Petunia seem like the epitome of sister perfection. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment, though very softly.  
  
Andromeda smiled and said, "Shhhh, it's not your fault, I'll live, though it is good to be back here, isn't it?"  
  
Lily looked up at the scarlet steam engine and felt as if a huge weight was lifted, and the lump in her throat was disintegrating.  
  
"Come on, let's get a seat- I have *loads* to tell you."  
  
Ten minutes later, Lily and Andromeda had found an empty compartment, and almost immediately Ana had launched into the summer's events.  
  
"First off, I have to tell you about Bella- she got a letter once again reminding her of her prefect duties, which is just excellent because she didn't get head girl."  
  
Lily grinned, "I could have told you that."  
  
"Oh my God! It's you, isn't it? You got it!" she didn't wait for a response she just jumped up and began dancing around the room excitedly. "Oh she's going to be pea-green with envy!" Ana chortled as she embraced Lily again and returned to her original seat across from her. "Which means I'll have to hurry with the rest of my explanations because you'll have to go report, won't you?"  
  
Lily glanced at her watch, "The train doesn't leave for another five minutes- we have time."  
  
"Okay," she paused, "Sirius moved out of my Aunt's place."  
  
Lily raised her eyebrows, Sirius Black was another person she wasn't particularly fond of, but Ana adored him so she didn't say anything, except to ask, "But Ani, why?"  
  
"He's had enough. Not that I blame him, I'd move out if I could, but apparently that isn't an option." Ani sighed and leaned back, "He's staying with the Potter's now, which makes sense since he and James are so close."  
  
Lily scowled, "Speaking of that disgusting waste of human organs, why hasn't he attempted to hit on me yet, or perhaps he'll miss the train?"  
  
Ana shrugged, "I'm not sure, I haven't see Sirius yet, which I don't exactly understand, he'll probably come find me eventually and ask how I am."  
  
Lily heard a distant whistle and the shudder of the train beneath them, she glanced at her watch, 11 o' clock on the dot.  
  
"Will you be okay in here?" she asked. Ana had never gotten her year's prefect part, Alice Bennett, a bright witch from a pure blood family had.  
  
Ani nodded, "Yeah, Sirius, James, and ugh Peter that little worm, will be by eventually."  
  
Lily giggled, "If Pettigrew even starts flirting with you, hex him."  
  
Andromeda laughed as Lily exited through the side of the compartment.  
  
She strode down the corridors of the train until she arrived at the very front and most luxurious car where an entire ensemble of students were milling around. Some were eating from a pile of finger food on a long extended table; others were sitting on one of the seats conversing with old friends.  
  
"Lily!" a young boy with light brown hair and a tired expression grinned at her from his seat.  
  
"Remus!" she walked over and sat next to him. "So, are you Head Boy then?" it was so good to see him again, of all the boys in the Gryfindor house, Remus was the only one with a reasonable amount of decency.  
  
"Nope, I dunno who got it. What about you though?"  
  
"Oh!" Lily gasped and reached in her purse to get her badge, which she then pinned on her sweater. "I almost forgot," she said, her cheeks flushing.  
  
"Good for you!" he said with a smile.  
  
As he made the comment Alice Bennett strode by, deep in conversation with Frank Longbottom, "Hey, Lily..." she stopped, "Oh how perfect! Head Girl!"  
  
Frank grinned, "Excellent, we need some Gryfindor respect,"  
  
Lily blushed again, "Thanks," she waited until Alice and Frank had walked away to whisper to Remus, "But if you didn't get it...then who did?" Lily glanced around the room of students.  
  
"As long as it's not Rodolphus Lestrange, I may beat someone. He's the most pathetic git. I don't think he knows what planet he's on most of the time."  
  
Lily nodded still looking around.  
  
"Oh, by the way," he pointed to the table where a thick folder was sitting, "You'd better get that, it's got all the instructions in it."  
  
Lily nodded and hurried over to the table, it didn't have her name on it; it was just a large red folder bearing the Gryfindor crest that said, 'Head Girl' in neat letters. The folder below it said 'Head Boy' and was also embellished with the Gryfindor lion.  
  
"Remus," he came over to stand next to her, "the boy's in Gryfindor...are you sure you didn't get something in the mail?"  
  
"Dead sure," he answered.  
  
Lily scowled and opened the folder, the first line said  
  
'Began meeting at exactly 11:15 cover these main points:' - Curfews - Prefect Duties - Ban List - Point Deduction - Passwords - Meeting Times  
  
Underneath each main bullet there were smaller less important ones. She glanced at her watch again, 11:13; well he had two minutes...  
  
The next second the car door opened and in came Bellatrix Black, followed by Rodolphus Lestrange.  
  
Bellatrix looked at Lily and grimaced, and Lily felt a rush of hatred, her large dark eyes that were heavily lidded, glowered at Lily returning the revulsion.  
  
She looked away at Rodolphus and muttered something making him laugh, as they edged from the door to the window. Lily turned away fighting the urge to be sick, she knew what they were laughing about...  
  
Lily looked again at her watch, 11:14. Where was he?? And perhaps a better question, *who* was he?  
  
The door opened again and Lily wheeled around and felt her stomach drop to the tracks below, standing at the door was a rather haughty and bored looking James Potter.  
  
She pushed past Remus and strode over to stand in front of him, and looking him straight in the eye, she said, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Hi, Evans, yes I'm good thanks, and I greatly enjoyed my summer how about you?"  
  
Lily clenched her hands into tight fists; it was taking every ounce of self- control she contained to keep herself from leaping on top of him and tearing every hair off of his head.  
  
"Relax, would ya Evans?" He said lazily, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a bright gold badge that looked identical to Lily's except it said, 'Head Boy' instead of 'Head Girl'.  
  
Lily expected smoke to come out of her ears she was so angry. "But you're not even prefect!" she exploded, her voice reverberating around the car, which caused everyone to turn and stare.  
  
James didn't look the slightest bit agitated by Lily however, he merely grinned and put a hand on her shoulder with a bright smile, "Evans, *relax*. Seriously you worry too much."  
  
Lily glared at the hand on her shoulder and James released his grasp, but he was still smiling.  
  
"Alright then, mates!" he called loudly, "what the bloody hell do you people do besides wear shiny badges?" he pointed to the glimmer of gold on his chest.  
  
A bunch of the girls giggled, but Lily just rolled her eyes and shoved him hard in the back towards the table, "Your folder is over there, get it and look through it."  
  
"You didn't say 'please'!"  
  
Lily whipped out her wand, "Don't make me kill you," she answered in a low dead tone.  
  
The smile faded from James's face, "Right."  
  
---------  
  
Twenty minutes later, Lily exited through the door to head back to her compartment; positively fuming, she nearly hexed a bunch of first years that got in her way.  
  
Yanking open the door to where she had left Ani she cried, "My GOD, I have to tell you about the most horrendous thing ever," but when she looked in the room Lily discovered that not only Ana was there, on her other side was Sirius, Peter across from her, Remus in the corner closest to the window, and James on his other side.  
  
"And what might that be Evans?" asked James very seriously.  
  
Her eyes grew as wide as saucers and for a split second she really considered killing him, she really and truly did. The words 'Avada Kedavra' rolled on the tip of her tongue, tasting as good as a piece of chocolate, but she swallowed them, making them disappear into the depths of herself again, trying to shake off that feeling.  
  
Ani looked up at her sympathetically, but she couldn't say a word in front of the boys.  
  
"Nothing," said Lily forcing a smile, "just something wretched my sister told me that I forget to tell Ana."  
  
"Well, pray tell, why don't you share it with the rest of us?" James smiled a bright disgusting grin.  
  
"No, I don't think I will, thanks," she answered forcefully, "actually I'm going to go sit in the Prefects compartment a bit and read over this stuff- but I need my quill."  
  
It was a pitiful excuse and she knew it, but she needed to get out of there.  
  
"Evans, I've told you, you work too damn much," James sounded serious, strangely enough.  
  
Lily didn't answer as she opened up her trunk and extracted her quill and an old rumpled Composition Notebook and before James could ask her to stay again, she excused herself from the room.  
  
Why is killing illegal? Lily wondered murderously as she trampled down the train again to the prefect compartment her head hurting, and her heart dripping with disgust.  
  
------------  
  
The prefect car was empty, everyone preferred sitting with their friends, and usually that's what Lily would have preferred too, but it was like Ana's living conditions- it just wasn't an option. She leaned against the window and clutched her notebook to her chest. It was bursting with poems, lyrics, short stories, nightmares, good dreams, plans, and even a couple card game scores from last term.  
  
Sighing, she opened up to the very first page a sheet of hastily written lyrics:  
  
~Don't turn around  
  
I'm sick and I'm tired of your face  
  
Don't make this worse  
  
You've already gone and got me mad  
  
It's too bad I'm not sad  
  
It's passing over  
  
It's just one of those things  
  
You'll have to get over it~  
  
She sighed, remembering when she'd written that; it had been the previous school year, when her hating for James Potter intensified. Lily rarely hated people, seriously and actually hated every part of them. She'd greatly disliked famous people from time, and hated Hitler and Stalin, but that was *normal*, as normal as hate could be anyway. Until she was eleven she never really wanted to destroy someone the way she wanted to destroy Potter. He was *so* obnoxious, Sirius of course was no better, but at least he didn't hit on her.  
  
But last year, that had been the worse...Lily closed her eyes, trying to push the memories out of her head, but they flashed by, image after image in her mind...  
  
"Miss Evans, if I could have a word please?" Lily was sitting at a desk absorbed in a thick book called 'Magical Mayhem' which covered the finer points of some of the worst dark wizards in the past centuries, and the havoc that they reeked on the magical community. It was near the end of their Charms lesson, the second week into school, and Lily had been the first to master the Shield Charm, and before long had taken her seat after Professor Flitwick gave her a perfect on that day's lesson. She glanced up from her book and saw Flitwick waving at her from his desk, which Lily didn't see it right away, because the books were so much bigger.  
  
"Yes, professor?" she asked.  
  
"Miss Evans I want to congratulate again, you've been doing amazingly well in this class." Lily blushed and looked at the ground. "Have you ever considered a career in Charms work?"  
  
Lily looked up, "Well sir, I am looking into being an Auror...if it's possible of course."  
  
"A very good possibility for you Miss Evans," Professor Flitwick assured her.  
  
Lily felt her cheeks turn red and she was now examining her hands on.  
  
"Which is why I wanted to ask you, would you possibly consider being a tutor for a student in need?"  
  
"Oh, wow, Professor, sure, but do you think I'd be good at it?" Lily had looked up, startled.  
  
He laughed, "Well yes, you're the best in your year in Charms, and you seem to be more than on top of all of your grades. You're tied in your class with only Mr. Black and Mr. Potter- but that of course depends on the subject."  
  
Lily nodded, feeling a trace of dislike move through her, and she went back to looking at the floor.  
  
"Professor McGonagall considers you a fairly mature individual, as do I, and that you have the ability to handle much more than your school work and you are Head Girl, which means that Professor Dumbledore obviously thinks very highly of you. You fulfill all the requirements, and you would of course be given bonuses for this class-or perhaps a class you may be struggling with..." he smiled at her as if he knew just what she was thinking.  
  
Wheels were turning in Lily's head...aging Professor Marks class...so horrible...so boring...difficult in fact...Potions...extra credit without mixing a single ingredient...  
  
She looked up, "What would you like me to do, Professor?"  
  
"Oh, excellent!" He clapped his hands together, "Alright, now usually I would have you tutor a younger pupil, but there is someone who is in a bit more need, but lately, I've noticed that...well..." he pointed and Lily turned to see James Potter doing a crazy dance, Sirius laughing as he flipped through a thick volume.  
  
"Hold on mate, the counter curse is in here somewhere!" but he was laughing so hard that he could barely turn the pages.  
  
"He's really been struggling with today's lesson, and we're going to be using this charm a lot in the next few weeks, I was hoping that maybe tonight, say around 7? You could come down the Charms room and help him, he really is in desperate need."  
  
"Actually...Professor," Lily was staring at James trying not to laugh herself, "well it's just, James and I don't get along all that well..."  
  
"Well then this is the perfect excuse to fix things then, eh?" There was a loud explosion and Lily jumped, the counter curse attempted by Sirius was obviously not the right one, as James's robes were now smoking.  
  
"Jesus, Padfoot!" he yelled loudly, jumping up and down trying to put out the fire, while Sirius threw his head back and laughed.  
  
"I'll do my best," Lily answered, but feeling as if she was making the stupidest decision of her life.  
  
------  
  
At 6:45 that evening, Lily excused herself from a conversation with Ani and went down to the Charms room, clutching a book under her arm.  
  
Halfway down a set of stairs something hit her hard in the side of the face, and she looked up, Peeves was pelting her with chalk.  
  
"Hello, ickle Lily!" he guffawed, zooming past her, and yanking at the carpet underneath her feet. She stumbled down the stairs, her red hair askew.  
  
"Peeves!" she screamed, "Don't make me call Filch!"  
  
"Oh...big bad Filchy is not hurting me!" he taunted her madly, sticking out his tongue.  
  
Lily's temper was rising, "Peeves! I mean it!" She closed her brilliant emerald eyes and began to count, out loud, "1...2...3..." SPLASH! A large balloon filled with water fell on her head. Lily looked up, Peeves was giggling madly, and then before she could speak zoomed away, cackling.  
  
"Perfect, just effing perfect."  
  
She tumbled into the Charms classroom at 7:10, to find James sprawled on two of the desks; he sat up and ran a hand through his dark hair, and smiled. "You're late, Evans...what happened?"  
  
Lily smirked grimly and sat her book down a desk opposite James's. "Peeves, what else?" She sighed, "I'm sorry..." she looked down at her soaked robes, and tried to squeeze the water out of her auburn locks.  
  
James's slid off his desk, running a hand through his hair, and approaching her, "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault that Peeves is an obnoxious git. Need some help?" he asked. He was standing right next to her now looking down at her bent head, if she could have seen the look on her face, she would have been surprised by the concern.  
  
She conjured a towel out of thin air and tried to dry herself off, "Um...hah...yeah...I guess." Without meaning too though, she suddenly started laughing, "Oh, my God, this is so pathetic."  
  
"Can I ask you something Evans?"  
  
Lily looked up, "Sure."  
  
He ran a hand through his hair again, more because he needed something to do with his hands then really out of a habit. "Is there a reason why you hate me so much?"  
  
Lily's eyes got large; she hadn't been expecting this question. Her first instinct was to deny it, but she knew that would be a lie. "Why are you so cocky and arrogant? Why do you act like such a prat around me?" she demanded before she could contain herself.  
  
James was still looking her in the eyes, his hazel eyes looking just as surprised as she felt. "D-do-do I...really do that?" he asked still staring at her.  
  
"Come off it Potter you know you do." Lily answered sternly beginning to mop up her front again.  
  
He grabbed her chin to lift her face, still keeping eye contact, "I don't do it on purpose."  
  
She couldn't move, her first thought was to hit him, but he did have the world's most lovely hazel eyes, and he was looking at her strangely, sweetly even, as if he really did care.  
  
"I'm not stupid James, everyone knows what you're like, and I'm not something you can put on a shelf like a Qudditich trophy," Lily retorted the anger bubbling up again.  
  
"I would *never* do that," he answered, and before she could protest, before she could come up with any reaction at all, he had leaned forward kissing her on the lips. For a split second she felt her knees melt beneath her, thinking that she just may slip to the ground and faint. Consciousness, however, dragged her back down to earth, and she shoved him backwards into a desk.  
  
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??" she screamed, clutching her wet robes, startled, her heart beating so fast it was like a buzz in her ears. "You are the rudest, most ignorant, obnoxious bastard I have ever met! What did you think you were doing??"  
  
"Lily I..." he began, but she backed away snatching her books from the desk,  
  
"NO!" she shrieked, her head throbbing, her whole body shaking, "NO! Don't you EVER! Come near me again!" and she turned on her heel and fled the room as quick as she could, flying up the corridors in record speed, her heart beating so hard that she thought she may die of lack of breath.  
  
Once there were three floors between her and James, she wandered down a side hallway, sinking down in the shadows, her head dropping into her hands.  
  
What had she been thinking?? What was HE thinking??  
  
She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Nothing was right, nothing was ever right at all.  
  
--------  
  
For the next week she'd secluded herself in her room, writing, and practicing on her guitar, which she was quickly improving on. Lily didn't tell Ana about James kissing her, but then again, she was trying to forget it. She probably seemed aloof and cold during those days afterward, but it didn't matter much, she was too infuriated to care.  
  
There were ten or twenty pages in her journal dedicated to that evening's events. She'd never been so confused in her life. If she hated him so much- why did her knees go week like that? Why had she felt lightheaded and lost when he kissed her? WHY?? October 20  
  
Why does he stare at me in class?? Why does he try to corner me and offer to carry my books, and why doesn't he act like such an arrogant prat anymore? His demeanor has changed into something less hostile, friendly and courteous. And there are times when he smiles at me as if he knows some secret that I don't...  
  
~I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all  
  
What is the chance of finding you out there?  
  
Or do I have to wait forever?  
  
I write about the things I'll never know  
  
And can't find a moment just to slow down  
  
It makes me think I'll never have the chance  
  
To figure out what it's all about~  
  
------  
  
Her thoughts wondered back to the train, the English countryside flying past her, a blurry image of pastures and homes scattered, accompanied now by a cool, late summer rain.  
  
Could she stand another year of him standing near her, asking questions, trying to talk her, constantly over her shoulder?  
  
Lily shut her sparkling green eyes, and leaned her forehead against the window. This is *not* how she intended to begin the school year, mulling on last year's troubles, and surrounding by so many new ones. She sat up again and looked down...a short line about Hogwarts written in neat, curly letters was at the bottom of her journal,  
  
~I hope and I pray  
  
Waiting to find a way back to you  
  
'Cause that's where I'm home.~  
  
For seven years Hogwarts had meant home, but why was it now, confusion fell under the same definition?  
  
-------  
  
Okay there's Chapter 1, this story has been stuck in my head for ages, but up and until recently I really haven't been in the mood to write it. And a favor...I am no computer savvy genius, but I do understand basic html...so why isn't it working for me? If anyone would be so kind as to answer I would give you my soul. (okay not really).  
  
Oh...Michelle Branch and Avril Lavinge on the two song excerpts!  
  
Chapter 2 coming shortly! 


	2. Tuesday Morning

PLEASE NOTE! Here's the second chapter, hopefully Chapter Three will be up shortly (next weekend at the latest) But I would like a little help from someone on HTML. Thus far I have been incapable of using it here and maybe someone (*hint, hint*) could help me??  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, though it would be lovely to owner the Potter franchise, because then I could buy out Microsoft. :) (PLEASE ADOPT ME JKR!) Oh and the charming Michelle Branch owns the excerpts from 'Tuesday Morning'.  
  
Chapter 2: Tuesday Morning  
  
There was a soft knock on the door at 7:00 on September 2nd. Lilias Evans rolled over, the warm bedclothes overtop of her were just too lovely to leave.  
  
Her visitor knocked again.  
  
"Bollocks!" she muttered. Her bedroom was a step up from the year's before, being Head Girl had its perks. The crackling fire at the other end of the room hummed merrily as she slid off her four-poster and moved across the rich red carpet to the door.  
  
"Com...ing" she yawned loudly. She pulled open the heavy oak door; only to find herself face to face with the last person she wanted seeing her at seven AM. Mussed auburn hair, and a thin, rather exposing navy cotton nightdress did not make the cut for visitor attire.  
  
"Morning, Evans," said James Potter with a smirk moving into the entrance way, as she yanked open the door, one hand covering her mouth, in attempts to stifle her yawn.  
  
"Potter!" she shrieked, and so utterly embarrassed by having him see her in such a state, she slammed the door on his arrogant grin with such fervor that the doorframe rattled.  
  
James tottered backwards as his glasses snapped in two, and his forehead throbbed painfully were the door had struck him.  
  
Lily, both palms against the door, attempting to keep it shut, breathed heavily, her heart hammering, WHAT WAS HE DOING?  
  
"Evans!" he shouted, ignoring his broken spectacles that had fallen to the floor. He leaned a shoulder into the door and twisted the knob, opening it an inch.  
  
Lily tried with much difficulty to push it closed again, feeling her cheeks flush, and every last part of her scream with anger. "Do you know what time it is?" she demanded.  
  
"Yes!" he answered, "I'm here to talk to you, is that okay?" he cried through the inch of opening, peering in as much as he could, "God, Evans! Just open the bloody door!"  
  
"NO!" Lily snapped, still pressing on the door with her hands.  
  
James sighed. "Lily is it okay if I just ask you something?"  
  
She nearly let the door fall open; she was so surprised by him calling her by her first name.  
  
When he didn't hear an answer, he quickly fit in his question, "What am I supposed to do? I-I'm effing Head Boy, and I've never done this before..."  
  
"That's not why you're here!" she snapped.  
  
"What??"  
  
"You didn't come to badger me about your duties, what do you really want Potter?" her temper was rising with her voice.  
  
James scowled, and retorted, "Fine, forget it, I'll just ask Remus what he does as Prefect."  
  
The door suddenly slammed under her hands, and once again the frame rattled loudly.  
  
Lily stood there in stupor for a moment, Had he really left? Was he just waiting on the other side, or had he gone to his room across their hallway?  
  
She had avoided seeing him the night before, which was amazing, because at the top of a spiral staircase that began in the Gryfindor common room, were their own separate and single bedrooms, three feet away from each other.  
  
Lily paused, her hands still resting on the door, hard and cool underneath her fingers. It was indeed the first day of school- a Saturday of all things, and it meant two free afternoons away from class before the beginning of the term. But why was James up at seven AM anyway? She may have hated him, but she knew better then anyone that he and Sirius never rose before twelve on the weekends.  
  
She pressed her head against the door, and then slowly revolved around, slipping down to the floor, the orange and red flames in the hearth winked at her jovially, but she shut her eyes slowly, blocking out the image.  
  
This was so ridiculous.  
  
-----------  
  
By nine Lily finally emerged from her bedroom, fully dressed in her Hogwarts robes, her head still hurting from the morning's affairs. She wasn't even twenty-four hours into the new term and there were already too many things going wrong.  
  
She had no urge to talk to Ani or Alice who were relaxing in the common room and instead she slipped through the crowded room and through the portrait hole, her notebook clutched under her arm, hoping to wander the grounds instead.  
  
It was warm and breezy outside, under a crystal sky, the heat of summer still hanging dolefully in the air. Lily inhaled the fresh winds that blew up out of the Forbidden Forest; it even had a pleasant air in the bright sunshine.  
  
Lily fell, as she always did, into a silent daze at the Hogwart's surroundings. The first day always did that to her, nostalgic melancholy. Within a few moments she had collapsed under the shade of the Beech tree at the lake, and was planning on just sitting and mediating for a bit, when voices startled her into semi-consciousness. Glancing around, she noticed James and Sirius walking towards her, James's broomstick (a Cleansweep Six, the latest and fastest), over his shoulder. They were approaching from the Qudditich Field, but apparently didn't see her. Before she was to be caught under the tree and have to listen to either one, she scrambled up the trunk of the Beech tree, her climbing skills as a child had finally come in handy.  
  
"Personally Prongs, I don't think you should just give up," Sirius said, as they neared closer, Lily peering down from one of the highest branches.  
  
James sighed, his eyes were sort of red, and he was scowling.  
  
Lily had hoped they would continue up towards the castle, but instead Sirius came and sat down under the Beech tree, James followed him, although reluctantly.  
  
"Padfoot for you, getting the girl of your dreams has never been more then smiling at her," he sighed again, "*some* us aren't amazingly handsome." James placed his broom next to him, and stared out over the sparkling lake, sunlight dancing over its crystal blue.  
  
"Lighten up mate!" answered Sirius, he was watching James intently now, and when he saw that this didn't seem to make a wit of difference, he said patiently, "Look, Prongs, I've known you for a long time, and I have never seen you get this worked up over some girl before. You've found someone that may be perfect for the rest of your life, where as I, I'm still dating girl after girl. I've liked them all, sure, but it's not like I'm going to get anything more than a good snog fest and something to do on a Friday night."  
  
This didn't seem to brighten James's attitude at all. "Sirius you don't get it!" he cried, "I've tried everything..."  
  
"Have you tried telling her you love her?" Sirius asked.  
  
James's eyes snapped back to Sirius's face, which was still gazing at him in concern. "Well no..." he answered looking back out at the lake again.  
  
"Well there you go then!" Sirius leaned back on his hands, looking mildly bored, as if the matter was all cleared up and there was nothing else to do.  
  
James turned and stared at Sirius again, "You don't understand, I *can't* just walk up to her and say..."  
  
"Well why not?" interrupted Sirius looking surprised, "What's wrong with that?"  
  
"Because it's not normal!" pressed James. "She hasn't got a clue I like her and..."  
  
"And whose fault is that?" James didn't answer.  
  
"If you're this concerned, why don't' you just ask a different girl out and see how it goes? Maybe *she'll* be the one, or maybe you'll just get your mind off of it for a while."  
  
"Do you think that's possible?" asked James, still staring out over the Lake.  
  
"It's worth a shot, don't you think?"  
  
"Yeah, I suppose."  
  
"Good man!" Sirius clapped his hand on James's back and sighed, looking as if he was enjoying the sunlight and the morning immensely, but he glanced at his watch and suddenly shouted, "Oy! Prongs, we gotta go meet up with Remus, we promised we'd discuss this month's plans." He jumped up and James, nodding followed suite and they wondered up to the castle.  
  
Lily watched them go slightly surprised. So Potter had a secret heartache, how precious. She sighed, why were men so clueless?  
  
-----------  
  
By October, Lily was happily into the groove of attending classes, doing her homework and attending Head Girl duties. James it seemed; felt that after their argument on the second day of school was warning to stay the hell away. And for this, Lily was grateful. They barely saw it each other, and avoided working together as often as possible, even evading the chances of seeing each other in the morning. It didn't bother Lily the slightest, and she secluded herself in her work, studying frantically in the library, reading everything extra she could and rarely speaking to anyone.  
  
One breezy Monday afternoon, the day before Halloween, Lily was sitting in one of the wide, open courtyards, which was completely empty, the way Lily liked it, her nose buried in 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Bronte, the first time in weeks she had touched a book just for pleasure purposes. Her schoolwork was done, her classes finished, and there was nothing else she could do, as Seventh years got Halloween day off. Leaves blustered past her feet, red, yellow and orange, the sky slightly cloud covered, leaving the heat to stay for a few more days, at least until it rained.  
  
She would have ignored her surroundings completely until she heard someone yelling at one corner of the courtyard. Scowling, she glanced above the leaves of her thick volume, and spotted to her dislike, Narcissa Black shooting curses at a tiny Gryfindor First Year.  
  
Lily jumped, instantly and whisked across the courtyard her wand out, auburn hair flying in all directions.  
  
"What do you think you're doing??" she demanded, as she grew level with Narcissa, who looked up, and the little first year, which Lily recognized as a Muggle-born girl named Serena Martin. She was lying on the ground, arms and legs snapped close to her body, and Lily recognized it as the Full- Body-Bind Curse, 'Petrificus Totalus'.  
  
"Oh, Rena!" she crouched down next to her, and muttered the counter curse. Serena's body relaxed and then she smiled up at her, but continued glancing at Narcissa warily. "It's okay," Lily whispered, "Just go up the common room, okay?" Serena nodded weakly and jumped to her feet shakily, fleeing the courtyard.  
  
Lily rounded on Narcissa, anger boiling within in her very veins, "Just what do you think you're doing?" exclaimed Lily, for the second time. "How *dare* you curse a first year! Twenty points from Slytherin!"  
  
"Picking on my sister are you, Evans?" came a loud voice from a few feet away. Lily turned and saw Bellatrix Black striding towards her, looking furious.  
  
"No," sneered Lily, "You're sister cursed a student, she disserved her punishment."  
  
Bellatrix raised her eyebrows, looking smug, "She cursed a *Mudblood*," as if she was correcting Lily, "That's not worthy of punishment, I'd say fifty house points to Slytherin would be more appropriate..."  
  
"Some people at the school," interrupted Lily, "realize that bloodline is unimportant and that some of the best witches and wizards are not of pure blood," she tried to look haughty but she was so angry it may not have worked, "and some that are, are pure *scum*."  
  
In one swift stride Bellatrix had grabbed the collar of Lily's robes, her face inches from Lily's and she said in a even, deep voice, "You foul, worthless Mudblood- one of these days you WILL pay for who you are. There are powers beyond save happy Hogwarts that you could only dream of. I hope that *I* will have the honor of torturing you into madness before killing you with a flick of my wand."  
  
Lily stared at her in horror, and Bellatrix threw Lily to the ground, her shoulder and head, colliding with solid stone.  
  
Bellatrix laughed coldly and then spit on the end of Lily's robes before snapping, "Let's go, Narcissa," and she turned on her heel, sweeping out of the courtyard leaving Lily alone on the chilled ground.  
  
She was vaguely aware of what had just happened, the ground was so cold against her cheek, her head was throbbing so hard she could barely think...  
  
Something cold fell on her cheek- a raindrop, and then another. But Lily stayed, paralyzed on the ground. She pulled her legs up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them- not moving. She didn't want to move, ever. Bellatrix's words were reverberating around in her head, over and over, about how she'd torture her...and then kill her...  
  
Her face was growing wet with the rain, her hair growing damp, and her cheeks she suddenly realized, had warm tears on them, the only warmth she could feel.  
  
For a long time she laid there, rain falling harder and harder.  
  
What was it going to take?? She's been here for almost seven years, and she was still worthless, a Mudblood, garbage, trash.  
  
She was a witch, and a good one...WASN'T SHE???? How hard had she worked for her grades and for everything she'd received??? VERY HARD, she reminded herself, harder then anyone else in her year. While James and Sirius were off playing Quidditch, and Bellatrix was cursing people, she'd been studying, LEARNING...oh how she wanted to be an auror. She wanted it so badly that it hurt; it left a hole in her heart, an aching prickle of disappointment, because suddenly she realized that there was no way that she could do it...she WAS worthless- just another muggle...  
  
"LILY!" her name reached her ears, but she hardly heard it. It was pouring now, clouding her vision.  
  
She felt arms, strong arms, lifting her from her stone bed, and carrying her somewhere...someplace that had shielding from the icy droplets that were covering every inch of her. But she didn't feel it. There was no cold, just numbness.  
  
"Lily..." someone whispered, they seemed so far away, "Lily, can you hear me?"  
  
It was a man- she knew that- but who?  
  
Her eyes unclouded slowly and she found herself staring at someone with glasses, messy dark hair, and hazel eyes...  
  
"Potter...?" she murmured. He was cradling her, like a baby, as if she was a small child...  
  
"Yes," he whispered, "yes, Evans, that's right."  
  
He seemed shaky and nervous, like he didn't know what to do with himself.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked, "What happened?"  
  
"Bellatrix..." she muttered, but it wasn't going to help, her head hurt too much.  
  
"What?" asked James, he sounded angry, suddenly, "did she curse you??"  
  
"N-no..." shakily, she found herself sitting up a little, James still holding on to her. Desperately she tried to pull her hand up and rub her temples- if only her head would STOP throbbing. "S-she grabbed me...an-and said..." her voice was quavering and felt a sob rise in her chest because the words, those horrible words were filling her head, vibrating in her brain like a song she couldn't get out. Suddenly breathing became so hard- she couldn't breathe at all, inhaling sharply, tears starting flowing harder then when she first lay on the ground, plummeting down her face, stinging her frozen cheeks, falling to her damp robes, mingling with rain water. She was sobbing so hard, that she couldn't do anything else. James pulled her closer till her head was resting on his shoulder, wetting his own robes with salty tears...  
  
"Lily," he whispered, "I'm so sorry...no one should ever hurt you like this...you're a beautiful person...and..." he stopped talking as if he was going to start crying himself.  
  
But it didn't matter she didn't care about anything anymore. And his words, sweet and decent, floated somewhere in her brain, but they couldn't wash away the hurt-- they couldn't do a thing.  
  
And so they sat there, for a long time, James rocking her slowly, Lily weeping six years of built up tension, anger and rejection into one long moment.  
  
After what felt like hours the tear flow stopped, the source dried, but the wound still open and sore as ever, she sat up, hiccupping, her eyes red and her whole body aching. He looked at her, warily, as if he was afraid to say anything that may upset her. He pulled out a handkerchief and carefully brushed away the remaining droplets from her cheek.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
  
He nodded and watched her for a moment as she looked at her lap, and suddenly became very aware of the fact that she, Lilias Evans was sitting on James Potter's lap, in the rain.  
  
He smiled weakly and said very softly, "Are you hungry?"  
  
Her eyes snapped up to meet his, "What?" she asked incredulously.  
  
"Let me rephrase: You don't want to go into the school and the common room do you?"  
  
She shook her head, "No...I suppose not, but what's that got to..."  
  
"Hogsmeade is merely feet away," he said simply.  
  
"Oh," she began-  
  
"'Scourigfy'" he whispered, and her robes, which could not be dried on regular circumstances, suddenly became clean because of the dirt and tears that had been caked on in the past hour.  
  
She smiled, "Alright then."  
  
---------  
  
The Three Broomsticks was quiet and fairly disserted when Lily and James entered, a few wizards here and there drinking and talking. Lily felt embarrassed sneaking in when they weren't supposed to be there, but Madam Rosemerta the owner only smiled at James when they entered.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Potter," she said warmly as she dried a mug with a dishtowel.  
  
"Evening ma'am," James answered, who was holding onto Lily's hand and leading her to the bar. "Two butterbeers please, and some of those homemade onion rings, if you have any."  
  
Madam Rosemerta laughed, "For you Mr. Potter I have them," She gave him two bottles of butterbeer, and then a basket of onion rings which seemed to appear out of nowhere.  
  
"Thank you," said James pleasantly. He had let go of Lily's hand so that they he could hold onto the food, but then quickly found a booth, and slid in, Lily then across from him.  
  
She smiled as he handed her the bottle, and then said, "You've done this before, I guess?"  
  
"Sirius and I have done it a couple of time, yeah," he answered taking a swig from his bottle.  
  
"You two are bad," she said, but couldn't help but to smile a bit more widely.  
  
He grinned, "Maybe-well, yes." He finished looking guilty.  
  
They were silent for a moment, Lily looked out the window, the rain was still pouring, it was a good thing they'd conjured up an umbrella for a trip over. It was so dank and gray outside, the sky so cold and foreboding, the complete opposite of the afternoon.  
  
"Thank you," she said suddenly, turning her head to look at James, who had been watching her the whole time.  
  
"It was..."  
  
"No, thank you. I..." she stopped.  
  
James looked at her, but he didn't seem to want to know just what she had to say, he just looked concerned and anxious.  
  
"I love Hogwarts so much," Lily said softly, looking down at her bottle of butterbeer, "But it's so difficult not- not being..." she sighed, "a pureblood-"  
  
"And it shouldn't be," he interrupted her, "You're an amazing witch Lily, it isn't your fault that some people are too stupid to see that."  
  
"Thank you," she answered looking up.  
  
For a long time they sat, the rain pelting the window, talking normally, for the first time ever. Lily was amazed that someone she had despised for so long could think so strongly and honestly- in a way that she did. He understood more than she would have guessed, and he seemed strangely...well mature. A word she didn't often place with James Potter.  
  
But the best part, the thing she couldn't get passed was how he made her laugh. Something she hadn't done in ages.  
  
Bellatrix's words were still captured in a corner of her brain, but not as they had been- not so loud and hurtful anymore.  
  
It was impossible to believe when Madam Rosemerta came up to them and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but you've got to leave, I'm closing up in five minutes."  
  
They looked up, both had been retelling embarrassing family moments when they were kids, James doing such funny impressions that Lily kept laughing.  
  
"Right," said James, getting up and offering Lily his hand, she smiled brightly and got up, and watched him go to the counter and pay. He ran a hand threw his messy hair and she suppressed a laugh, it didn't seem so arrogant anymore.  
  
---------  
  
Outside the rain had stopped, and the streetlamps of Hogsmeade had cast a warm glow on the whole town.  
  
James looked at her and she said very seriously, "Please don't take me home tonight."  
  
He looked surprised.  
  
"I just don't want to go home yet," she explained, "I don't want to be alone. Could we walk, maybe?"  
  
He reached out and took one of her hands, so perfectly white; the palms callused from tree climbing, his own stronger and worn from riding his broomstick.  
  
For a long time they strolled over the streets of Hogsmeade, it was well past midnight.  
  
~I remember stormy weather  
  
The way the sky looks when it's cold  
  
And you were with me-  
  
Content with walking  
  
So unaware of the world~  
  
"What do you want to do?" Lily asked, "after Hogwarts?"  
  
There was a pause, "I don't know. My Dad fancies I could play Quidditch, but I don't think I want to."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It just seems so...un-job like. And it's risky, you know? I'd never know if I'd get a position or not. What about you?" James peered at her, the dark casting elegant shadows on her beautiful face.  
  
"Well...I think I'd like to be auror."  
  
He stopped, "Really?"  
  
"I'd like to stand up for what I believe in, and make people like Bellatrix Black pay," she cast a disgruntled look at the ground, "Why? Does that surprise you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what is it?" she asked, James was still standing there, looking at her.  
  
"Because that's what I want to do too."  
  
~Please don't drive me home tonight  
  
'Cause I don't wanna feel alone  
  
Please don't drive me home tonight  
  
'Cause I don't wanna go  
  
Tuesday Morning  
  
In the dark  
  
I was finding out  
  
Who you are~  
  
-----------  
  
That's all for now :-).  
  
Reviews are lovely but not a necessity. 


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